Someone Is Always Listening …

Say you prayer …

Sing your Song …

Tell your story …

Someone is always listening.

So we provide coffee, breakfast and cloths for some homeless individuals in downtown phoenix. The organizers are faithful disciples of God, and there is a lady who sings hymns. Her job is tough because we use a parking lot close to a cluster of shelters in downtown. We mostly cater to people who did not get a place in these shelters, which means they slept on pavements and are anxious for some respite and food. With burning hunger, cold and soar body, lack of basic amenities, this nice lady's services usually lack any spotlight.

People leap and rush and hurry to get to what they need...

We volunteers also scramble at times to compose the modest breakfast packet or look for sizes in the stacks of cloths or try to hand a quick cup of coffee. Most of the time, I don’t even notice her presence.

But today I did. I heard clapping, a sound again, very misfit in the circumstances. I tuned towards the sound to notice that she had a sole listeners among hundred’s of us. This was a homeless guy with no shirt and one shoe. Somehow while others scrambled for food, he drew towards music.He sat on the hot and uncomfortable asphalt coated ground few feet away from her, facing her and he clapped when she finished singing. 

I am not sure if she expected someone to applaud and acknowledge her or was just doing her duty of mixing some music and kind words in the cacophony of sounds. I am also not sure, if she felt this was special or something will change for future Sunday mornings...

But i see it as a reminder ... to pray hard, speak our mind and sing from heart .... for whoever is listening 

Shit Happens!!

It’s quintessential for any organization to underline itself as a system that works. Be it a school, army, workplace, family or society, there success depends on selling a belief that learning, defense, productivity, values or life is a cosmos. There are well defined process, rules and practices which when followed diligently yields a perfect and desired result.

Like hell, it works!!

The success of a system is in not working continually. It’s in creating an impression that it works continually and any failure is due to lack of compliance by the participant. Once it’s established as a fact that when a student fails, its lack of hard work and dedication of the student and not because of ambiguity on the part of educational system, the myth becomes self propagating. A failed student is considered an anomaly and its made an example to prevent many more going that way, even though majority are gravitated towards the scary “F”. The day most people fail, schools will have to reinvent themselves.

Of course, questioning all the elements of a system will breed anarchy.

But reiterating the system, without adulterating it with doubts fortify falsehood that hard work is rewarded, sincerity is met with its likeness, practice makes one perfect, love exists, training doesn’t fail, happy endings and yada yada yada ... without explicitly stating that things do go wrong, failure cannot always be analyzed, success cannot always be guaranteed, you don’t have to be successful to say that failure is ok, pressure don’t always turn carbon to diamond ...

I was a mess this week after orchestrating a debacle of a demo to client. And in my despondency, I truly identified with the people behind this picture. And wondered what will the world look like if there is more tolerance to failure and everyone can say aloud what everyone knows .... that "shit happens!!"

Opinion Ordeal

Information not only imparts knowledge, it also bestows us with opinions. It is almost impossible to read newspapers, watch TV, talk to people, hear, see, smell, taste, think, basically experience and process life without making opinions.

Opinions can be fun. I still remember that I had a discussion with a friend on politics on the roof of a third floor house while enjoying a beautiful Bangalore evening. It was a rather unique experience. My friend and I put across our views, without the emotionally charged words, high-pitch voice, irrationality or intolerance that usually accompany a discussion of the two dramatically opposite ideologies viz. socialism and capitalism. Neither of us was swayed by each other’s view point but both were enriched, enriched in knowledge and patience. 

Opinions are complicated. Just like the information that builds them, are more often grey. And if one ever has the time and patience to put together comprehensively, I believe all opinions are “correct” irrespective to how different they may sound.

But yes, today time and patience are low.

Because today we don’t have to be a leader, a new paper editor, a TV journalist, a celebrity columnist or a social worker to put forth our opinion in public. Facebook, blogs, twitter and other social media sites are our podiums where it’s our discretion to practice passion, intelligence, irrationality, maturity, compassion, corrosion, idiocy or obnoxiousness, as we express our opinions. There is no social responsibility, no need for editing/revisions and definitely no need to be sensitive. 

We can support Narender Modi or Rahul Gandhi; take sides of Trayvon Martin or George Zimmerman; have our opinion on Judi Arias trial; decide if America needs TSA or its ODing on Security; like or dislike Obamacare; perceive miss America as a terrorist; support or oppose gays rights, have faith or be a proud atheist; believe our  parenting style is perfect; support guns or gun-control…. We can openly speak your mind. We can also take on the ones you don’t agree with, by name calling and insults and “FB unfriending”, yes there are many ways to display our immaturity.

Opinions are incriminating. I must be African-American if I think George Zimmerman is guilty; I must be pro-muslim if I don’t want Narender Modi to be the next prime minister of India;I don’t know how to shoot if I am for gun control; if I support Obama I support Obamacare.

What if I think George Zimmerman was guilty because he had the car and the gun, he should have had the commonsense to de-escalate a situation where a boy would not have lost his life; what if I believe that for a country whose biggest strength and weakness is its population, we cannot afford a leader who want to the prime minister by dividing the country, besides of coarse being pro-human and pro-Indian; what if I really love guns, but seeing our failure to curb mindless mass shooting, i want to give gun control a try; what if I think that one of the greatest leaders of present times Barak Obama, fought this hard only for a partial solution, why can’t their be insurance free healthcare.

Opinions vary, reasons behind similar opinions also vary. But the class of opinion holder is not reflected by the fearless or persistent expressing of one’s opinion, rather by his or her tolerance and respect for a different opinion.

Who is in control?

So who controls our lives and the scripts of a mundane yet unique drama that unfolds everyday....differently for each of us.

In a good phase of life, we usually respond to this by saying... we do. With our efforts ,sincerity and courage... we determine and get the life we want for ourselves...

In a bad phase of life, its either god or destiny... Destiny is a more negative representation of what is beyond our control. because destiny comes across as unknown, undefined, uncompassionate owner of our lives...
God and his ways on the other hand are more peace and hope invoking as we believe that our creator knows and understand what he wants us to endure and learn ... and find ourselves part of a bigger picture. We believe he stands beside us in our suffering and will intervene as necessary

But coming back to the question on the control, all theories seem flawed....

We are usually in control making our life better only when appropriate opportunities like our family to education to country of birth , are favorably provided to us.... Also each blow of death, disease, loss brings us to our knees and find us all vulnerable and weak

Destiny, sounds more like random set of events which makes little sense. Also success and happiness are not really the accidents destiny is known for.... so it cannot be the sole play-writer...

God, as a believer, i have faith in. But some unseen, unspoken and unnecessary sufferings are hard to be assigned as a design of his kindness...

May be its the uncontrollable combination of what God's kindness bestows on us, what randomness of destiny throws our way, what circumstances shape, what time carves, what we achieve with our hard work, what we ruin because of our fears and complexes, what people around us make/break/influence...

What’s your hobby?

I think the most frequent, dishonestly answered question is “what’s your hobby?”

It’s a common question to break the ice or provide detailed introduction. This question is entrusted with the complicated task of uncovering a personality. And yes, It is a vital part of the ‘traditional Indian arrange marriage’ soul-mate finding process, which ensures results after a mere thirty minute meeting.

It’s a trap. Not everyone has a hobby, but confessing it certifies you as a bore.

People come up with lame responses like “sleep” pretending to be funny and smart at the same time and failing. Other extends reality a little …say “gardening” though it usually means they own an unkempt garden, “coin collector” if there are too many cents on the kitchen counter, “stamp collector” if there is unread mail on the coffee table or “photography” if they ever clicked the edge of a leaf or wet spider web.

Seriously my hobby by this measure is to pick my nose. It definitely fits the definition “An activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure”. And I always feel happy and smile involuntarily at a job well done. :)

Not everyone has a hobby or passion. Mundane life marred with laziness is something we should proudly flaunt and should openly challenge the need of a hobby in the times of great cable TV.

I am Fine!!

How many times a day we respond saying we are fine to the gentle query “how are you?” and how many days are we actually fine?

Both custom and courtesy, allow no other answer. Imagine you are walking through the office and when your colleague asks you “how are you?” you reply “not good. Today wearing these jeans made me realize how much weight I have gained” or “Not good. Just saw the bank statement, gas prices are killing me” or “Not good. My dog is having an affair with the neighbor’s bitch and they decide to communicate in the night.”

Or “not good. I think I made some very bad choices in life” or “not good. My kid is constantly sick” or “not good. My realtor is a fraud”

Or “I am great. Despite you throwing me under the bus in our last meeting” or “I am good, but may be you should visit your stylist” or “Super, you pay me for pretending to work”

Once a friend said that everyone including friends and family like to hear that all is good. They are not interested in knowing the details of what is really going on….. she is kind of right. You come across as very negative and petty if you decide to express everything you are going through.

Actually all issues do not need to be reported either, most are like waves which sweep the shore only to be vanish. But some of these bottle inside us and then they erupt as something really bad and drastic. Divorces, pink slips, voilent breakups and now a days hiring people to murder spouses/business partners could be the result of too many “I am fine.”

Well I can’t think of a smart replacement though ….

Intolerant to Morons!!

This is a phrase my friend and I coined when I came to US for my first assignment, five years back. We used to use it to qualify our frustration which grew in leaps and bounds, especially with respect to our work then. My friend quit soon after ….

Recently, this phase has been a lot on my mind so decided to share the rationale.

Oh no! this is in no way a show of pride or arrogance. In fact, I believe that people like me who want to be qualified for the job we do, want to take bottom line responsibility of task assigned, work round the clock to dazzle, try to stay honest to people who report to us as much as we do to the people we report to, continue learning, stay sincere, earn love-and-respect and find unreasonable, dishonest and political ambiance at work or otherwise …very stifling belong to the lowest strata of achievers.

Because these attributes definitely do not translate to big bucks or overnight success or effective balancing of relations; it’s more of a constraint, a constraint wired in us.

So morons are not really morons but smarter people who know the art of credit-grabbing, back stabbing , drama creating and who can live happily with their own misplaced self-image of excellence.

What is frustrating is that when every now and then despite the route we have chosen, we are cornered to participate in their sleazy game by their rules. And it hurts to loose our peace of mind without getting any of the benefits of being an unfair player.

The perfect scenarios will be able to learn just enough tact to coexist with them without eroding the way of life and work that we have chosen. Till then there are breathing exercises and the ‘use the abuse’ policy.

It is the eye ...

My education was good. But from the innumerable subjects I learnt, one of the most precious lessons was taught to me by my English and Math teachers at high school…

My English teacher really liked me. She had no qualms showing her affection and appreciation for me; she cited my qualities and enthusiasm towards spoken English to many of my class mates. Of course, this motivated me to do be better.

My math teacher on the other hand, for some reason did not like me. It was baffling for many reasons. One that it was not that she did not have her favorites; there was a long list just that I was not a part of it. Second reason was that I could not figure out why she will not approve of my qualities, which were so agreeable to my English teacher. I did, all my young mind could think of to impress my math teacher but she very evidently did not consider me as one of her preferred students.

I ended with exact same grades in both subjects but very different relationship with my teachers.

Perturbed by the dilemma I lived through; I decided since I also had a tendency to strongly like and dislike people I will never become a teacher least I put someone through the same predicament. What I did not realize at that time was that this behavior was very natural. In all spheres and at all stages of life we seek acceptance and approval of people who matter to us. These people form an opinion about us just like we form opinion about the people associated with our lives.

We all have friends and acquaintances we avoid; good team mates we enjoy working with and team mates we don’t respect; relatives we are proud to be associated with and relatives we can’t stand; managers we consider leaders and ones we feel as an irritant in the tasks assigned to us; young ones we bless from the bottom of our heart and the ones we do not care about. We assign people to these categories based on our evaluation. An evaluation we seldom revisit. Also an evaluation we can most of the time not rationalize.

We not only accept and reject people based on some obvious traits but at times on our whims and with eagerness.

Same is true for someone who has drawn a conclusion on us, whether in our favor or not. Ideally we should stop striving so hard to be liked since it’s not about what we are but the eye evaluating us.

The Cringe Factor

Shopping in India is very satisfying. The range of type of goods is astounding. For example footwear, when you go to buy footwear you will find the comprehensive range from sleek to gross. We, Indians not only buy what we like but just for kicks, we look at something we will never buy and wince. To do so we do not need the classiest of taste. It is pretty simple; there is always something worse then our taste available there…. Like when women go to shop for sarees, they ask for “sober” colors and if an objective eye was to see that fabric they will redefine the word sober. The amazing range, just help them find something more eye-hurting, and brand their own choice as classy n elegant.

Cringe factor is required everywhere. I read online Indian newspaper everyday. Of course, I could not believe when it showed “Mandira Bedi is pregnant” as the third headline. Mandira Bedi is a nobody and since she is an Indian, being pregnant is really not a news. (LOL!!) I can and should switch to a better newspaper but then I will not get an opportunity to see some obvious stupidity and cringe.

It’s repeated almost as a chant, “we are not perfect” but nobody talk about how important it is to be less imperfect then others. For this we need to have enough things to cringe about in our lives…

Imagine you working with competent team members, married to Sean Connery and having the most rational, non-intrusive and classy relatives and friends; how on this earth will you ever gossip or make interesting conversation? How will you ever gloat about your own glory in a perfect world? How one dimensional it will be to just appreciate and marvel at excellence?

If we watch the most intellectually stimulating channels(no reality shows or sit-coms), listen to only original music (no pritam or anu malik), watch only movies reflecting creative genius(no bollywood) … you really think we will be creatively satisfied? No, lack of mix in quality will not only restrict us to a very small number of pleasures but also deprive us from feeling smart and cool.

How cool and fun it is to squirm, you will know if you read reviews of mainstream bollywood movies. The insults hurled are almost always more interesting then the movie itself.

Imperfections and blatantly looking down upon them, is definitely a feel good factor for us, we the imperfect humans.

Problematic Problems

The problem with problems is that they continue for ever…

When we look back in our life, good times, bad times or just times, the only consistent piece, is problem. There is always one issue to crease, one gawking need to be fulfilled, one dilemma to resolve, one knot to untangle…

Problems are roadblock that stand in our way. They are the big tree in the backyard of our minds that cast a showdown on everything.

Funny thing is that a problem is a problem only till a bigger problem surfaces. A life-stopping, all absorbing problems simply cease to exist when a bigger problems looms large.

Also they vanish when we solve them. It’s technically correct, they should. But since most of us do not have the luxury to live our lives from an achievement to achievement but resolving a problem to next; they should be made the criteria of success and good life.

The science of problems is as convoluted as happiness. Happiness is the butterfly that we seek and problem is the monster we run from. The hues, size, impact, importance all are nothing but a reflection of us.

Rationalizing them make them smaller and insignificant, but only when they are not ours. :)

Suitable Suitors

We do not select our immediate family or our relatives. Friends fulfill that need but lack of any commitment makes their roles in our lives very transitory.
So by the time we reach the “marriageable” age the craving for a voluntary and lasting relationship peaks …

And now starts the complications …

How can we find a perfect match? No one is perfect, remember?? So this means that a perfect match is actually finding someone with the perfect set of imperfections.

So all friends for whom this is a conquered territory but can recall the dilemma and the ones who struggle everyday while swinging between hope and despair will probably agree that the process is extremely excruciating…

It exists both when the suitor search is facilitated or arranged and when it’s a lonely battle

There are two problems here: One being permanency …
When we think of being forever then many practical considerations like education, age, family and salary become important. Small intricacies are observed and projected to stay or aggravate in the future; hence any indications of short temper, possessiveness or any such inconvenience-causing attributes are considered as demerits.

The second one is us….
There are our own expectations. Not what we need, but what we want….

It’s this concoction of dreams and fantasies of the heart and practicality of the life in tandem with the absence of windows to someone’s mind and heart…is to say the least perplexing …

In my humble opinion this is a necessary evil. When you commit for life, the reminder of the struggle help us sail through the rough patch later.

To all my friends who requested this post, good luck! Just remember not to loose yourself in the search …

Why So Serious? ...

As a kid I always believed that job was the perfect redemption for studies...

People with jobs like my parents, were not confined to uniforms, had flexible timings, were not bound by home work or exams, relaxed during evenings & weekends and enjoyed the ultimate perk of getting salary at the end of the month

But by the time I grew up someone changed the rules of the game…

Today earning money has become a stressful, nerve-racking, overwhelming and uncomfortable exercise. There are teams like “Work Life balance” aboard. When work is the application of ones education and experiences assisted by his/her aptitude and attitude, then how can it be any different from life? But it is…

Recruitment is a bond of slavery and Pink slip is the end of the world. Between them you find Work hours which refer to the maximum duration you can work without breaking down and Deadlines which are the unrealistic expectation set by others that must be treated as indisputable laws.

Competency is how much you can make yourself uneasy while easing lives of people around you. Sincerity is your ability to take calls from the hospital where your ailing father is admitted. Promotions refer to an overrated change in your title which gives you a false sense of progress. Pay hikes are the only way to keep you enticed. Caffeine is now a necessity and retirement is the age, most of us may not reach. Job satisfaction is definitely a myth.

What happened to creativity, expression, signature, individuality, empathy, sensitivity and sensibility at work? Why is a wrong sense of competition inculcated to extract more then plausible performance from an individual? Why accept a term called “Human Resources” and dwarf a persona to a profit generation aide? Why your boss can look you in the eye and say “Don’t think about quitting, it’s same everywhere.”? Why this mad rush to burn ourselves from both end for the proverbial “successful career”?

… And why I relive the same feeling of relief as I walk out of my office, that I used to feel at the end of my classes at school…

The Flaw called Humility …

In life at any given point of time there is something you treasure, something you loathe, the one thing you really long for, something you wish would never change, something you feel is unfair, something you fell blessed about, something you know you have and something you don’t, something you dream for, something you accept and something for which the denial prevails forever…

The ability to sieve the encouraging from the ugly is what is called the positive attitude...

In more cynical words it is also the ability to dodge reality and see what you want to see…

In school, a girl with fizzy hair, in my class got a new haircut and proudly stated how her mom thought she looked like Madhuri Dixit.(Madhuri never had fizzy hair…). I remember the day very well as the same morning my mom refused to add sugar to my milk as she thought I was gaining weight. The two extreme reactions from the two moms left me confused…

Later I met some not so pretty, not so bright and not so accepted people who believed the contrary; these people are laughed at or ignored but the fact is they are actually blissful. We on other hand also demonstrate the same deficit and willingly accept in the hope of sounding smart, but are we?

The hue of life changes with the lens we see it. Then what harm can possibly dawn upon us for not calling a spade, a spade. Any way all of us are loved/hated, appreciated/criticized, detested/celebrated, so there is little difference in both state of mind except that one promises euphoria

If the fool’s paradise, is by definition a paradise then why not try it over the bed of thorns called reality

--From the World’s Best Blogger ;)

The theory of Life!!

It’s the pep talk, the rationalization of apprehensions, the trivialization of concerns and the normalization of stressed nerves.

Heart tends to break, issues with job & life pop-up every now and then, relationships go sour and decisions are not always easy to take & live with … and this is the time we speak and are spoken to the over-simplified fundas of life.

Some of the commonly said/heard words of wisdom are:
· Tension would not help resolve issues
· Future is not known, past cannot be changed so enjoy the present
· Everything happens for a reason
· Do your best and leave the rest
· Time will resolve everything
· Live each moment to the fullest
· Good things happen to good people

Its like you are standing in chemistry lab with a beaker full of chemical mixture which was supposed to change colors long back, and they still haven’t… and while you are freaking out of your nerves… people are still preaching the disconnected theory of your failed practical.

This affable, over the phone or over the coffee, cost free but heart felt bucket of incoherent advice from friends is still the silver lining to the grey clouds of life.

Adding up...

We can readily count what we want!
To bring peace we count, what we have!
The count of what others have is always more!
In plenty we count as what we deserve!
Its always disturbing to count we were denied!
We never loose the count of our hurts!
We count the memories to swing between emotions!
The try not to think that the future breaths have their count too!

Knowing Right and Doing Right!!

Last few months have been crazy at work. There have been no date and time, just deadlines. I understand and acknowledge the concept of work-life balance, sharpening the axe and all that… but just some more effort, one more milestone and some more learning … thoughts that still drives or misguide you…
Knowing what is right and doing things the right way is so different, almost always. For example
• Eat healthy
• Exercise :)
• Positive thinking
• Think before you speak
• Don’t react in anger
• Don’t get angry for that matter
• Don’t let ego rule relationships
• Accept people, no ones perfect
• Etc, etc, etc ….

The ideal way is a tough way…or honestly …I think the abandoned way, know nobody taking it …he he. May be because it’s the way of mind…which is never alluring ….

Life is to be lead and lived by heart.

That is probably why even in life without exercise, sporadic proper meals, lack of sleep, bursting stress level and growing coffee addiction …writing is still therapeutic.

A big thanks to everyone who has read my writing and special thanks to ones who have dropped their comments, to my blogs…This happens to be the fiftieth :) ..Thanks again!!

Nehru Cup

India wins the Nehru cup for the very first time. A glorious victory in football after five years for India. A great performance of an Indian team, in a game other then cricket. And not a single news article in any newspaper/bulletin of any channel, that talks about this victory, miss the words “Chak de India”.

I love the bond between us and movies!!

Underdogs

As an addict of movies every time I watched a Hollywood movie featuring a bunch of misfits going ahead to win a match of football(the longest yard), basket ball (Glory Road), ice hockey(Miracle) or boxing(Rambo Series of movies)…. I wondered why like Hollywood, Bollywood do not repeat this formula instead of love storey with father playing the villain formula.
It finally happened and Chak de India released.
There is something about this formula that touches the heart, in real life and in reel life. I remember vividly the finals of Wimbledon in 2001, when I witnessed Goran Ivanisevic win the title. He was the only person to win the men’s singles title as a wildcard.
Movies, which talks about, how success is close to you anywhere you stand on the rating chart of life are appealing. It’s the wisdom of life …that something’s like hard work, focus, honesty and some madness…almost always work to get you anything; you set your heart at.

Justice … as we know it…

Terrorism was never so much in focus….never so much used, never so much talked about and never so much prosecuted. The Bombay blast case got the verdict after 14 years and only one of the 100 convicted was left loose.
I think this is commendable but little is talked about it, as more focus is on Sanjay Dutt gets a six-year imprisonment.

Somehow if look this verdict and try to bring parallel to Haneef’c case you notice
• Sanjay is a celebrity & Haneef a commoner.
• Sanjay convicted & sentenced in motherland & Haneef convicted in a foreign land. We have no idea if he will be prosecuted and if yes, then where.
• Both, if any how involved, were on the fringes of terrorism. One convicted of acquiring firearms while other is accused of having knowledge of a potentially deadly crime.
• Sanjay Dutt’s conviction is harsh on Bollywood with amount worth 50 crore resting on him while conviction of Haneef (who can still be convicted) will be embarrassing to a nation and challenge to the foreign relation officials.
• Media encashes on the pictures and statements of the near n dear ones of both.
• Majority of population of a nation infested with terrorism is sympathetic to both of them.

Reusability of Business model?

As a child my dad explained me about construction work and workers.

He told me you can hire them in two ways. One is on contract bases, where you pay them x amount to a contractor. He will get x people to complete the work. but he also warned, that the contractor try to get less number of people finish work the work at the earliest, since the payment has already been decided so that he can move on to the next piece of work. Work may suffer he warned.

The second way was to hire x number of workers on a day to day payment basis. But he warned that the workers try to extend work as much as possible to ensure the employment. Budget may suffer he warned.

He also told once they enter your house to work on something, they look around to see more opportunities. Like if they came to build an extra room, they will suggest how the electric wires of the house should be re-laid, telling how they can sense a huge problem in near future.

Also the workers who do actual work get paid less as compared to the contractor/“thekedaar” whose responsibility is mainly to get the workers and manage them.

And in case, more then one of these group is hired for a construction work, say one doing the flooring, another electricity lines, another plumbing and so on; the workers will change focus from work to proving that the other group inefficient and taking over their piece of work.

Oh my god! Are Indian software service providers successful because to some age old wisdom? [:)]