Why they will never hire me as a Love Guru on Radio City….

The Local FM channel boasts of this two hour program everyday where people call in this dubious sounding fellow and seek advice for their love problems (eeeiiikkkksss). He answers these obtuse questions with a very obvious fake concern and seriousness but plays some good music.

I will never get this job, if I ever do …. Picture this..…

Question: Love guru I am a twenty year old boy, I met a girl at a party. I can’t stop thinking about her. Is this love? What should I do?
Me: You are dialing to the wrong show, please call and talk to a career consultant; he will be able to address your real problem.

Question: Love guru I am in love with my friend, but I am scared to tell her that I love her as I am afraid to lose her as a friend
Me: Ok. So you are scared of a friend, who by definition is your buddy, what will happen if she accepts your love and marry you. You may go underground into hiding. Bad idea, forget about her

Question: Love guru I am in love for last three years, I have never met him. We chat a lot. I also requested him to share his pics many times but he never did. I am love him very much. What should a do
Me: This Dubai guy he is actually not a he. He is a 70 year old shriveled widow who chats with you to bring entertainment in her mundane life and make fun of you with her friends.Dump her, i mean him

Question: Love guru I am in love with a married man. He says he loves me too but will not leave his wife and marry me. what should I do?
Me: See lady it is not appropriate to expect or force a man to make the same blunder twice. Forget about him.

Question: Love guru I am a twenty-four year man. I want to fall in love.
Me: Look if you are looking for such a voluntary action than falling in many other places will be much easier.

Question: Love guru what is love
Me: Let me explain with help of an analogy, you heart is like a hotel room and you are the hotel owner. You have a problem when the room is empty. You get cynical and critical when a person stays in your heart for too long. You also have problem if people frequently enter and exit your room. You definitely have an issue if more than one person stays in this single room. When the person staying loves the room too much, you seek detachment. If the person thinks of it objectively as just another room, you seek affection. If the person wants the room for less duration, you seek commitment and when he/she seeks it for lifetime; you get jitters.

iiiiiisssshhhh!!!