The Local FM channel boasts of this two hour program everyday where people call in this dubious sounding fellow and seek advice for their love problems (eeeiiikkkksss). He answers these obtuse questions with a very obvious fake concern and seriousness but plays some good music.
I will never get this job, if I ever do …. Picture this..…
Question: Love guru I am a twenty year old boy, I met a girl at a party. I can’t stop thinking about her. Is this love? What should I do?
Me: You are dialing to the wrong show, please call and talk to a career consultant; he will be able to address your real problem.
Question: Love guru I am in love with my friend, but I am scared to tell her that I love her as I am afraid to lose her as a friend
Me: Ok. So you are scared of a friend, who by definition is your buddy, what will happen if she accepts your love and marry you. You may go underground into hiding. Bad idea, forget about her
Question: Love guru I am in love for last three years, I have never met him. We chat a lot. I also requested him to share his pics many times but he never did. I am love him very much. What should a do
Me: This Dubai guy he is actually not a he. He is a 70 year old shriveled widow who chats with you to bring entertainment in her mundane life and make fun of you with her friends.Dump her, i mean him
Question: Love guru I am in love with a married man. He says he loves me too but will not leave his wife and marry me. what should I do?
Me: See lady it is not appropriate to expect or force a man to make the same blunder twice. Forget about him.
Question: Love guru I am a twenty-four year man. I want to fall in love.
Me: Look if you are looking for such a voluntary action than falling in many other places will be much easier.
Question: Love guru what is love
Me: Let me explain with help of an analogy, you heart is like a hotel room and you are the hotel owner. You have a problem when the room is empty. You get cynical and critical when a person stays in your heart for too long. You also have problem if people frequently enter and exit your room. You definitely have an issue if more than one person stays in this single room. When the person staying loves the room too much, you seek detachment. If the person thinks of it objectively as just another room, you seek affection. If the person wants the room for less duration, you seek commitment and when he/she seeks it for lifetime; you get jitters.
iiiiiisssshhhh!!!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Advantage India !!
When my Working-Visa in US ran into trouble and my return to India was inevitable; a friend called to console and said ‘he was so sorry’. The usage of this expression which is used as commiseration at a grave loss was offending to my patriotism.
After this incident I was gripped with the fear that I will behave like many others who stay in US for a very short duration compared to the number of years spends in this country. Yet, they come here and click photographs of cows sitting in the middle of roads, weird English names of small shops, dangling electric wires, poor kids depicting the language of deprivation and post them on facebook. They go to vegetable market and faint. They search for the shops and seek gol-gappas made in mineral water. They cringe and flinch, to separate themselves from the less fortunate never-have-been-to-foreign men and women. Hunh!!
All such fears proved baseless. It was home coming. I remember my cousin asking why I fold my hands when I say ‘namaste’ even now; I have stayed in US for too long for this ethnic and humble greeting. I took it as a compliment.
All said and done when another friend asked me the advantage of being in India, the salient good features… I was dumbfounded. I could not think of one.But then I realized India is a way of life, a thought process, a feeling. In fact, I find the cliché good and bad about us that they show in movies like ‘Outsourced’ nasty.
Back in Jaipur, at the railway station, dad left me and mom with luggage to go and check the reservation list. When I realized his reading glasses were with me in my purse, I ran after him. When I reached the notice board I saw some three men looking hard at the list, trying to find ‘Sankhla’ for an old man who forgot his glasses. And I knew I was back in my land. It’s a hard to describe sentiment.
It’s a warmth or comfort or feeling of home turf or confidence of finding my way through, I am not sure.
And yes, I crib and complain. I whine and huff. I refuse to agree and comply. I find the need of change. I see evident avenues for improvement. I find some facts appalling.
I am still a very proud Indian.
Happy Independence Day!!
After this incident I was gripped with the fear that I will behave like many others who stay in US for a very short duration compared to the number of years spends in this country. Yet, they come here and click photographs of cows sitting in the middle of roads, weird English names of small shops, dangling electric wires, poor kids depicting the language of deprivation and post them on facebook. They go to vegetable market and faint. They search for the shops and seek gol-gappas made in mineral water. They cringe and flinch, to separate themselves from the less fortunate never-have-been-to-foreign men and women. Hunh!!
All such fears proved baseless. It was home coming. I remember my cousin asking why I fold my hands when I say ‘namaste’ even now; I have stayed in US for too long for this ethnic and humble greeting. I took it as a compliment.
All said and done when another friend asked me the advantage of being in India, the salient good features… I was dumbfounded. I could not think of one.But then I realized India is a way of life, a thought process, a feeling. In fact, I find the cliché good and bad about us that they show in movies like ‘Outsourced’ nasty.
Back in Jaipur, at the railway station, dad left me and mom with luggage to go and check the reservation list. When I realized his reading glasses were with me in my purse, I ran after him. When I reached the notice board I saw some three men looking hard at the list, trying to find ‘Sankhla’ for an old man who forgot his glasses. And I knew I was back in my land. It’s a hard to describe sentiment.
It’s a warmth or comfort or feeling of home turf or confidence of finding my way through, I am not sure.
And yes, I crib and complain. I whine and huff. I refuse to agree and comply. I find the need of change. I see evident avenues for improvement. I find some facts appalling.
I am still a very proud Indian.
Happy Independence Day!!
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Spicy Experience..
The flight back from home to Pune taught me new psychological classification of people… Misplaced Assertive and Counterfeit Assertive
I flew back with spice jet, the low cost airlines. The no frills airline took a step forward in cost cutting and decided not to keep the engines running while on ground to save fuel. The result was that there was no source of cooling, which is not really an option at Jaipur.
The guy sitting across the aisle in same row as me was Mr. MA (Misplaced Assertive). He decided to make enough noise, as the flight attendants surrounded him making excuses like the AC was not working on ground and how it will start working (miraculously)when the plane is in air. While most seated where using the instruction card to fan air, some making up their minds not to fly with the airlines again. Mr. MA liked the attention. If the ground AC system (if there is any thing like that) had a technical flaw or the obvious that the airlines was saving on fuel, blasting the flight attendants was ineffectual in solving the problem.
Next to him was seated Mr. CA (Counterfeit Assertive) who agreed vociferously with Mr. MA whenever he turned to his co-passenger for support, even though it meant chanting the same words again and again. Mr. MA steps out and the pretty air hostess with very apparent north-eastern looks came to the, by now, infamous row 24. She starts the uncanny explanation in a polite tone, this time in Hindi. Mr. CA was pleasantly surprised, actually he was floored. He asked starry eyed “You know Hindi?” Ha ha ha… the lady was totally confused; the burning (or heating) issue was no longer the issue. Mr. CA found the communication of a pretty woman in Hindi more delightful then his discomfort in the aircraft.
By the way, I have utmost respect with people who are assertive and now I know that such variations of the trait are affable too, for the entertainment value.
I flew back with spice jet, the low cost airlines. The no frills airline took a step forward in cost cutting and decided not to keep the engines running while on ground to save fuel. The result was that there was no source of cooling, which is not really an option at Jaipur.
The guy sitting across the aisle in same row as me was Mr. MA (Misplaced Assertive). He decided to make enough noise, as the flight attendants surrounded him making excuses like the AC was not working on ground and how it will start working (miraculously)when the plane is in air
Next to him was seated Mr. CA (Counterfeit Assertive) who agreed vociferously with Mr. MA whenever he turned to his co-passenger for support, even though it meant chanting the same words again and again. Mr. MA steps out and the pretty air hostess with very apparent north-eastern looks came to the, by now, infamous row 24. She starts the uncanny explanation in a polite tone, this time in Hindi. Mr. CA was pleasantly surprised, actually he was floored. He asked starry eyed “You know Hindi?” Ha ha ha… the lady was totally confused; the burning (or heating) issue was no longer the issue. Mr. CA found the communication of a pretty woman in Hindi more delightful then his discomfort in the aircraft.
By the way, I have utmost respect with people who are assertive and now I know that such variations of the trait are affable too, for the entertainment value.
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