Saturday, November 07, 2009

Four Bewdas and Me

Before coming back to US again on assignment, I indulged. I did this extravagant act of flying to Bangalore to meet my friends, who have supported me in pretty much everything. Life is always easier with them around …

You know there are moments that you want to live so much that you imagine them again and again in your head. Like if you are an actor who is getting an award, you will think about the evening, the way people will react to you, the way your name would be announced, the way you would grace the podium and what you will speak. And when it actually happens, it is so different from the version in your head, that you are not even sure … this is the evening you were dreaming for. It’s not better or worse, but different … as different as fiction is from reality.

The Bubbly and the Quiet one picked me up from airport as planned. My humble demand of a Aloo tikki burger at McD for dinner was shot down and we headed to Samarkand. There the Virtual (I know him for 4 years but met him for the first time) and The Sodexho joined us there. The Sodexho is called so, as all he had were a bunch of these coupons and no cash and he proposed to pay from dinner bills, to coffee bills, to parking tips using them… and of coarse never parted with them … hehehe .

After couple of breezers, beers and vodkas down the throat, they challenged sanity like never before. Serious thought provoking and soul stiring comments were made like “Uske pati ka naam husband hai –(Her husband’s name is husband)” ,”I always though that kheera was the male version of kheer” – hahaha whatever that means , “Havn’t you heard the famous dialogue, in kutton ke samne mat nachna gabbar!!” or the insight that Mr Sodexho provide us in the car while ruining all the soundtracks by singing along, he told us "I am a guy, I can only sing along with the male playback singer" ... phew was never aware of such compulsions …

It was a beautiful evening with its different interpretation for all of us. Bubbly struggled to let go of the bad workday while Virtual constantly lived in the dilemma to hangout for some more time or return to work. The Quiet one struggled with his undefined turmoil’s while Sodexho caused turmoil by singing … for me it was emotional, nostalgic, crazy, intense, aching, alive … all at the same time …

It was a lot like life …

Friday, August 28, 2009

Why they will never hire me as a Love Guru on Radio City….

The Local FM channel boasts of this two hour program everyday where people call in this dubious sounding fellow and seek advice for their love problems (eeeiiikkkksss). He answers these obtuse questions with a very obvious fake concern and seriousness but plays some good music.

I will never get this job, if I ever do …. Picture this..…

Question: Love guru I am a twenty year old boy, I met a girl at a party. I can’t stop thinking about her. Is this love? What should I do?
Me: You are dialing to the wrong show, please call and talk to a career consultant; he will be able to address your real problem.

Question: Love guru I am in love with my friend, but I am scared to tell her that I love her as I am afraid to lose her as a friend
Me: Ok. So you are scared of a friend, who by definition is your buddy, what will happen if she accepts your love and marry you. You may go underground into hiding. Bad idea, forget about her

Question: Love guru I am in love for last three years, I have never met him. We chat a lot. I also requested him to share his pics many times but he never did. I am love him very much. What should a do
Me: This Dubai guy he is actually not a he. He is a 70 year old shriveled widow who chats with you to bring entertainment in her mundane life and make fun of you with her friends.Dump her, i mean him

Question: Love guru I am in love with a married man. He says he loves me too but will not leave his wife and marry me. what should I do?
Me: See lady it is not appropriate to expect or force a man to make the same blunder twice. Forget about him.

Question: Love guru I am a twenty-four year man. I want to fall in love.
Me: Look if you are looking for such a voluntary action than falling in many other places will be much easier.

Question: Love guru what is love
Me: Let me explain with help of an analogy, you heart is like a hotel room and you are the hotel owner. You have a problem when the room is empty. You get cynical and critical when a person stays in your heart for too long. You also have problem if people frequently enter and exit your room. You definitely have an issue if more than one person stays in this single room. When the person staying loves the room too much, you seek detachment. If the person thinks of it objectively as just another room, you seek affection. If the person wants the room for less duration, you seek commitment and when he/she seeks it for lifetime; you get jitters.

iiiiiisssshhhh!!!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Advantage India !!

When my Working-Visa in US ran into trouble and my return to India was inevitable; a friend called to console and said ‘he was so sorry’. The usage of this expression which is used as commiseration at a grave loss was offending to my patriotism.

After this incident I was gripped with the fear that I will behave like many others who stay in US for a very short duration compared to the number of years spends in this country. Yet, they come here and click photographs of cows sitting in the middle of roads, weird English names of small shops, dangling electric wires, poor kids depicting the language of deprivation and post them on facebook. They go to vegetable market and faint. They search for the shops and seek gol-gappas made in mineral water. They cringe and flinch, to separate themselves from the less fortunate never-have-been-to-foreign men and women. Hunh!!

All such fears proved baseless. It was home coming. I remember my cousin asking why I fold my hands when I say ‘namaste’ even now; I have stayed in US for too long for this ethnic and humble greeting. I took it as a compliment.

All said and done when another friend asked me the advantage of being in India, the salient good features… I was dumbfounded. I could not think of one.But then I realized India is a way of life, a thought process, a feeling. In fact, I find the cliché good and bad about us that they show in movies like ‘Outsourced’ nasty.

Back in Jaipur, at the railway station, dad left me and mom with luggage to go and check the reservation list. When I realized his reading glasses were with me in my purse, I ran after him. When I reached the notice board I saw some three men looking hard at the list, trying to find ‘Sankhla’ for an old man who forgot his glasses. And I knew I was back in my land. It’s a hard to describe sentiment.

It’s a warmth or comfort or feeling of home turf or confidence of finding my way through, I am not sure.

And yes, I crib and complain. I whine and huff. I refuse to agree and comply. I find the need of change. I see evident avenues for improvement. I find some facts appalling.

I am still a very proud Indian.
Happy Independence Day!!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Spicy Experience..

The flight back from home to Pune taught me new psychological classification of people… Misplaced Assertive and Counterfeit Assertive

I flew back with spice jet, the low cost airlines. The no frills airline took a step forward in cost cutting and decided not to keep the engines running while on ground to save fuel. The result was that there was no source of cooling, which is not really an option at Jaipur.

The guy sitting across the aisle in same row as me was Mr. MA (Misplaced Assertive). He decided to make enough noise, as the flight attendants surrounded him making excuses like the AC was not working on ground and how it will start working (miraculously)when the plane is in air . While most seated where using the instruction card to fan air, some making up their minds not to fly with the airlines again. Mr. MA liked the attention. If the ground AC system (if there is any thing like that) had a technical flaw or the obvious that the airlines was saving on fuel, blasting the flight attendants was ineffectual in solving the problem.

Next to him was seated Mr. CA (Counterfeit Assertive) who agreed vociferously with Mr. MA whenever he turned to his co-passenger for support, even though it meant chanting the same words again and again. Mr. MA steps out and the pretty air hostess with very apparent north-eastern looks came to the, by now, infamous row 24. She starts the uncanny explanation in a polite tone, this time in Hindi. Mr. CA was pleasantly surprised, actually he was floored. He asked starry eyed “You know Hindi?” Ha ha ha… the lady was totally confused; the burning (or heating) issue was no longer the issue. Mr. CA found the communication of a pretty woman in Hindi more delightful then his discomfort in the aircraft.

By the way, I have utmost respect with people who are assertive and now I know that such variations of the trait are affable too, for the entertainment value.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Priti Almighty !!

I finally saw the movie “Bruce almighty” and my imagination ran untamed, as it always does on seeing something so creative.

So if I were to be GOD for a day (I am pretty confident of an extension); some drastic changes can be expected. Of coarse I will not be working on petty or selfish issues but towards greater good of mankind and World Peace. (The fake, well rehearsed beauty pageant smile and pose)
  • People will be allowed to make plans and I will honor them if they are reasonable, in contrast to what happen now.

  • Like heart and soul every one will also have a dream.

  • People will hear music in the background when they fall in love to help them understand this complex phenomenon and distinguish it from similar incidences like crush and infatuation. In fact, I may just give life a background score to make it more interesting.

  • They will get life lines to help them keep their relations.

  • Life will have a fast forward and a rewind button.

  • All money and assets will self destruct themselves every year to help people notice their ineffectuality.

  • Traveler’s miles will be calculated for frequent travelers and considered for perks to encourage people go around this beautiful planet and meet new people. Traveling assists to gain knowledge and appreciate different people and culture, one of the best ways to facilitate growth of tolerance and eradicate prejudice.

  • I will disassociate myself with all rivers like Ganga to do my bit for pollution control and environment.

  • Six packs will be bone structure in all Homo sapiens. (I assume GOD can interfere with science and evolution). And abdomen will have no curvature or flab.

  • To maintain law and order punishments would be part of nature. You do a crime and will be punishment. These will be for all types of crimes, be it heinous or petty. For example if you ogle at women your eyesight will become weak.(ummm ahmmm …bad example… may have to reconsider this one, otherwise all Indian men will go blind in no time.. whatever you got the concept)

  • Like Pinocchio, people’s nose will increase length if they whine. (No. This one is to bring optimism in the most grumbling creatures in this world and not to make my small nose big. Hunh!!)

  • Will definitely develop life in few other planets, Back up and business continuity is important.

Friday, July 17, 2009

India today!!


If you return to India after a considerable period of time you are bound to notice the following:

  • If you wouldn’t know what Indian flag is like and that faces can’t be flags, Dhoni’s face is so frequently seen that it can well qualify as the symbol of our nation.

  • Once existing small currency denomination problem has been resolved. Now everything cost a hundred bucks or more.

  • There is still no right hand driving or left hand driving, it’s the good old ‘I own the road’ driving.

  • You will see a new form of child labor on Indian Television, portrayed as singing/dancing prodigies and new form of dramatic genius in the form of judges of talent hunt shows.

  • Pink is the new blue for men (eeeeiiikkks)

  • Free incoming calls on cells, abundance of print media to substitute for high-speed internet and local shopkeepers for GPS/Google maps are a welcome change.

  • You will be reminded what complications innocent rain can bring to your life, from power outage to cell phone connectivity to no cable TV to traffic jams to flooding of roads to no local trains. There seems to be a Rain Demon and not a Rain God.

  • There is no parking place left anywhere.

  • The Aloo Tikki burger at McDonalds, shopping for Indian dresses and the look on your parents face when they see you will be three of the many highpoints of your stay.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

The theory of Life!!

It’s the pep talk, the rationalization of apprehensions, the trivialization of concerns and the normalization of stressed nerves.

Heart tends to break, issues with job & life pop-up every now and then, relationships go sour and decisions are not always easy to take & live with … and this is the time we speak and are spoken to the over-simplified fundas of life.

Some of the commonly said/heard words of wisdom are:
· Tension would not help resolve issues
· Future is not known, past cannot be changed so enjoy the present
· Everything happens for a reason
· Do your best and leave the rest
· Time will resolve everything
· Live each moment to the fullest
· Good things happen to good people

Its like you are standing in chemistry lab with a beaker full of chemical mixture which was supposed to change colors long back, and they still haven’t… and while you are freaking out of your nerves… people are still preaching the disconnected theory of your failed practical.

This affable, over the phone or over the coffee, cost free but heart felt bucket of incoherent advice from friends is still the silver lining to the grey clouds of life.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Bountiful Beauty

Yellowstone National Park primarily located in the state of Wyoming, was the first ever national park created in the world. Of course, beauty like that was bound to create ripples in the inspired minds.

I have never seen such diverse and unadulterated nature’s treat to eyes.

Frozen Lake

Colors of the Hot Geyser

The Emerald Reflection

The Marbel Slopes

One of the Creations of the Master


The place seems to be created by an erratic, genius painter who took unconventional colors and patterns and created magic. Thank you GOD!!!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Indian Elections '09

So the elections are over. An exercise with this magnitude and importance do have a few lessons to learn; actually it can be mapped to the existing wisdom in form of phrases.

Over the Top: 15th Lok Sabha elections
Go lay an egg: 47% votes casted by mumbaikars
Your Guess Is As Good As Mine: the analyst who claim to know the mind of Indian voters, are proclaimed wrong, again
By hook or crook: Varun Gandhi use hate speech to win elections
Turn Over A New Leaf: India elects 226 MPs who are less than 50 yrs of age
Actions speak louder then words: Sheila Dikshit delivers a perfect score
Count one’s chickens before they hatch: Hopes of the, India’s regional party leaders had been hoping to play kingmakers is dead.
From Rags To Riches: Rahul Gandhi once flayed for dynasty politics, is now being applauded and celebrated as a catalyst in UPA victory.
Don’t Burn Your Bridges: The likes of Lalu Yadav, Amar Singh, Ram Vilas Pawan said they will not unconditionally support Congress/UPA before the elections, fearing the anti-incumbency factor. Yes, now the roles of seeker and seeked have reversed,
Dead Duck : Blooming trouble, BJP can't get its leader right
When It Rains, It Pours: Indian Rupee, Bonds, Index Futures Gain on Election Victory

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Adding up...

We can readily count what we want!
To bring peace we count, what we have!
The count of what others have is always more!
In plenty we count as what we deserve!
Its always disturbing to count we were denied!
We never loose the count of our hurts!
We count the memories to swing between emotions!
The try not to think that the future breaths have their count too!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

The Curious Case of Varun Gandhi

In a country where divisions are plentiful, and usually underlined and used by the power seekers; the election times are notorious for the blatant display of the ugly face of unethical people who seek to rule the democratic India.

So why should Varun Gandhi’s idiocy be a reason of such discomfort?

Because the hope that many Indians have had in the youth of the country is damaged. The hope of a nation with leaders and citizen one day will take care of the real issues rather then diverting us took a beating too. The hope that the likes of Sachin Pilot and Omar Abdullah gave us is dented.

A young moron with nothing but a legacy decides he wants to do nothing, try nothing but play the communal card to get the ticket to parliament.

If you look from another perspective, it’s a slap on the face of the seasoned, people dividing politician. It’s like a child who put stethoscope around his neck and thinks this is all what his dad did to become a doctor.

Varun is just a reality check.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Oxymoron

A liquor baron bought Gandhi's five personal items which went under the hammer in New York for USD 1.8 million

Seriously?? India’s leaders think we need his five belongings… the nation of his dreams today rubbishes his ideology , that it so desperately needs… and its his physical possessions that we need???

Today violence occurs and erupts in this nation on most mundane events… From lyrics of a song to a road accident to petty criminals caught by public…everything gives a reason for mob frenzy…

The caste divide he fought is today stoned by laws that force caste based reservation. No body pays heed on his vocational oriented education. In fact today Indian education system not only failed its citizens by not equipping them to easily get all kind of jobs but also fail to build rationalism. The education system imparts mere literacy and not education. The effect is that petty politicians like Raj Thackrey find new ways to divide country.

Women empowerment, economic self-reliance, easing poverty, simple living and many other of his ideologies are all so relevant to India, buy are pushed under the carpet by power hungry politician … and all they feel a sense of achievement in getting his five simple assets …

But for those who can even use Lord Ram as an excuse to kill for political gains …Gandhi was just a sane voice..…

Friday, February 13, 2009

I support Ram Sena!!

Since most members of Ram Sena are behind bars…I feel the urgency to express how much I am aligned with them…
Most of the Valentine day rituals are WRONG (trying to use strong words to mix-up with my fundamentalist co-thinkers) and is against Indian culture (oh! This expression is mandatory)

Flowers: Papa taught me as a kid not to pluck flowers, and so true. It’s not at all environment friendly that you demand a particular flower (red rose) more then others. Think about genetic diversity man!!

Chocolates: Mouth watering and mouthful choclates one day and she will starve herself for next three weeks. Bahut na-insaafi hai. (it’s just not fair)

Candle-light Dinner: The pain she went through by getting her eyebrows plucked for you, was for a reason; to look pretty but how do you intend to look at her in that dim light. There can be other issues if only one of you is vegetarian and you order both kinds of dishes.

Gift: Selecting gift is an art. Being able to afford a gift is luck. Keeping gift a secret is intelligence. But accepting gift with grace is an extraordinary ability. The closer she is to you the more chances of her disproving your choice.

Stress/Depression: Not really a ritual but a commonly found side effect on those who do not have a true love already identified. But the catch is, if you have identified your love, you struggle to unite in holy matrimony. And those who embraced matrimony their woes are unspeakable… So basically the trauma continues in one form or other, at times due to absence of love and more so once you find it.

Moral of the Story: Celebrate Love and Life each and everyday to the fullest!!
Happy Living!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Emblematical News…

Superman emerges from the horizon to save the troubled world…
Obama takes oath of office …

School kid who takes a scrapbook to school, bully kid at school tears it off…so our good boy comes home make another scrapbook and take to school each day and each day the evil boy rubbishes his efforts

India provide the proof that Kasab is a Pakistani and of coarse Pakistan is the bully

Village elders over hukka, sit and talk…gossiping and giving opinions around those who toil for a living…
Discussions on TV channels…

Ineffectual individuals throw stones on other’s fruit laden tress..
Some people protest to remove dog from the much acclaimed “Slumdog Millionaire” movie

Prasad distribution at temple
Aishwarya Rai Bachchan get Padma Shri award

The great unarmed robbery
Ramalinga Raju Admits 7000 Crore Fraud

Pest Control
US not to hesitate hitting Al Qaeda targets in Pak

Wikipedia: A confidence trick or confidence game is an attempt to defraud a person or group by gaining their confidence
Sanjay Dutt says Amar Singh is like an elder brother and convinced him to fight for MP seat from Samajwadi Party…

Sowing precious seed on barren land
Ashok Chakra for the 26/11 martyrs but no legislation or law against terrorism

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Good and Bad Compulsions

I have always opposed the time bound approach to life, as it brings artificial compartmentalization to something as natural as life


For example, you should have a defined career path by a certain age and if you explore an unconventional career and take more time to get “settled” unlike your peers, it is assumed you are not serious about earning your livelihood. Similarly, you should marry by a certain age and have kids even if you are contended being single or wants to plan your family as per your preference and not based on when your cousins/relatives/friends plan their babies. This approach makes life a time table and peer pressure lasts for a lifetime. The joyous, life defining moments are reduced as events for completion of the template of life, and after one event you worry about the agenda for the next to stick to the schedule.


But I still like the forced clichéd rituals of celebrations like New Year Celebrations, birthdays. There is nothing to it; really, it’s just another day of the year.


I believe that each day in life needs to be lived to its fullest. These forced celebrations at least ensure some days of life are set aside when enjoyment is actually planned and we do not sleep-walk through them like many more potential but lost opportunities to be alive.


New Year celebrations also provide a psychosomatic boundary to time. All the sorrows and joys magically turn into memories and we feel empowered to start all over again. The mostly ineffective practice of New Year resolutions, also provide a glimmer of hope of a life without some of our recognized vices.


So let’s celebrate, enjoy and live life on our very own terms; today and for rest of the days of our lives.