Sunday, October 16, 2011

Happily Ever After…

Today is the eve of my birthday. And the resolution for coming year is to stay fabulously happy. The start is auspicious; I can’t stop smiling every time I look at the mirror and notice my new earrings I gifted to my pretty self.

So life happens and problems come gushing. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We deal with some like an invincible super hero but some hit us hard on our vulnerability and we succumb. Then what follow is pain, dilemma and hurt till friends and family come to our rescue and with their support we overcome.

Why go through the painstaking process to breaking and recovering each time? Allow me to list the rules of happiness and life, to remind us when we need it incase our friends are not there to hold our hands.

• We cannot control all situations. We can do the best and leave the rest.
• Listen to all opinions, but make your own decision.
• We have no power on what people think about us or interpret our actions and words
• Who said mistakes and faults are unacceptable, we are called mortals for a reason
• Be yourself
• We can live to the fullest whatever life has to offer us.
• Express yourself.
• Rules and “normalcy” are overrated.
• Music heals
• Meet people and talk, you will realize pains and problems are not exclusive to you
• Forget more and analyze less
• God is always there right beside us, helping us through various means.

Hopefully this year life will treat all of us a little more kindly. And even if it doesn’t happiness is a cup of coffee, a chat with a friend, a well written article, a colleague you helped, a fear you conquered, a meal you had, a gift you bought, the extra pound you shed and yes those earrings :) All iz Well!!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Flawed Anna-lysis

Every country is shrouded with corruption. Why it hurts us more is because in our country its prevalent at all levels.

When you have grease palms at your offense of defying the traffic rules to when you are rightfully seeking your own birth certificate; getting your kid admitted in school to when you need special attention in a general hospital; need a job or need a peaceful retirement, it is visible to all.

Though a very curious fact is that corruption, a practice which cannot be justified in any scenario is socially acceptable. Many profiles and jobs are considered lucrative and respectful only because they promise more than the stipulated salary and benefits.

So an ever-pinching, most frequently discussed and universally hated yet socially accepted corruption, got a new spin when Anna campaigned for its eradication.

Anna and his team, took the hefty task of cleaning the corrupt corridors of power through a very intellectual and transparent campaign. The support provided by hero-starved media and common man was obviously unprecedented.

But maybe, this support is because Anna, never asked the common man to change. There was no request made to defy corruption by denouncing giving and taking of bribes. Definitely the political corruption is much larger and it induces more drama to ask the corrupt to make laws to vanquish their own abilities to exercise corruption. But when you are in a room with dirt everywhere, you can reach out to clean from where ever you can start, you do not have to go on fast under the most unclean attic.

In the biggest democracy of the world, the biggest flaw is that all political parties are only superficially segregated. All of them are morally drained and power-cash hungry. This is why anti-incumbency factor is the most widespread feature of our election results. So if individual morality plunge further, one political party will give way to another equally corrupt regime & even the sought-after, fought-after, chaste and all powerful regularity body to monitor them may also fall prey to the same fate.

Power is disorienting, we are already aware of the team Anna itself giving very absurd, ineffectual and inept comments under the arch lights. So may be Anna should turn back to the followers and start a less glamorous campaign of social purification rather than political immaculacy.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I am Fine!!

How many times a day we respond saying we are fine to the gentle query “how are you?” and how many days are we actually fine?

Both custom and courtesy, allow no other answer. Imagine you are walking through the office and when your colleague asks you “how are you?” you reply “not good. Today wearing these jeans made me realize how much weight I have gained” or “Not good. Just saw the bank statement, gas prices are killing me” or “Not good. My dog is having an affair with the neighbor’s bitch and they decide to communicate in the night.”

Or “not good. I think I made some very bad choices in life” or “not good. My kid is constantly sick” or “not good. My realtor is a fraud”

Or “I am great. Despite you throwing me under the bus in our last meeting” or “I am good, but may be you should visit your stylist” or “Super, you pay me for pretending to work”

Once a friend said that everyone including friends and family like to hear that all is good. They are not interested in knowing the details of what is really going on….. she is kind of right. You come across as very negative and petty if you decide to express everything you are going through.

Actually all issues do not need to be reported either, most are like waves which sweep the shore only to be vanish. But some of these bottle inside us and then they erupt as something really bad and drastic. Divorces, pink slips, voilent breakups and now a days hiring people to murder spouses/business partners could be the result of too many “I am fine.”

Well I can’t think of a smart replacement though ….

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Unworthy Universe

Have you noticed that after a heart-crushing breakup, and suddenly all radio frequencies start playing sad songs? Have you gone to a church service very distressed and needy, only to find that the sermon was written to address all your worries? Have you read a book or movie and took a life changing decision.

As per Paulo Coelho in the alchemist “And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it”

I disagree. I think this is giving too much credit to the Universe or fate or destiny. There are sounds, directions and signs pointing in all directions. We see what we want to see.

Life is simple; actually so simple that it’s hard to live. The decisions we make are driven by thought, emotions, perspective, past, complexes, fear and strength. They can be explained at times while at others they are just to do with life at a particular time. Someone has told us to think big, so even the decisions that touch our lives and only our lives, we have to have a bigger picture and story to support it.

We decide our wars, fight them and deal with the verdict. We absorb the strength needed from our surroundings; we can choose to call it the destiny or scheme of universe or divine intervention.

If universe could help us, it would have first helped by restricting the population to the number it could have directed and conspired for….

Monday, July 11, 2011

People Watching!!

I have no idea how individuals can be unhappy about reaching early for a movie, waiting for friends at a mall, stress about a delayed flight or have nothing to do on a lonely evening. They can always people watch.

People watching can be a habit, a hobby, cheap means of self-entertainment or effective means of self-improvement.

It’s fun to watch strangers. I was recently at the San Diego zoo over the busy July 4th weekend. I watched more people then animals. Its fun to notice looks, dresses, tattoos, interactions and reactions. The public display of affection of love birds, the stressed mothers pushing the strollers, the excitements of kids waiting in queue to buy ice creams, the struggle of the same kids to finish the ice cream before it melts, the parents pushing their kids to participate, the acrobats in the shows flashing an embarrassing smile when things go wrong, some people trying to scam into tedious queues and show anchors oozing confidence & comfort were all interesting observations.

Watching strangers is always fun and mostly at their cost.

It’s also fun to watch acquaintances like colleagues at workplace, at the customary store, your regular servers at coffees shop or restaurant. Their reactions have a flavor of familiarity and hence make a curious observation. You can have a manager who you respect, a peer at work who irritates by being irresponsible, team member you really want to mentor, an usual face to help you find the required groceries or someone who remembers your Thai food order every time you go for lunch. It’s fun to anticipate their actions and responses. Most of this observation is more comforting and less funny.

It's education to watch close family and friends. In fact, these are the people who make us. As babies we learn to talk by seeing our parents talk to us, our morality is based on our observation of their lives, our habits are built on theirs and our personality is designed based them. People watching friends help us built a personality like our family just in more relevant environment. They help us more to grow and understand life better. There is no teaching like observing someone you can respect, have unconditional faith and want to learn from.

People watching is really an instinct, we do it more often then we admit. And it helps is more then want to admit. So clean those eye glasses, find the perfect location in the coffee shop and watch life passively through people.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

WO - Write Only

I am a blogger who calls herself a writer despite my blog being the only testimony of my way with words. The cliché does not end there. I secretly harbor an ambition of writing a book.

By the way, earlier I shied away from confessing such high dreams in public, only to realize that writing a book is the second most common aspiration after singing. I sincerely believe that 97% of those who can speak consider themselves as good singer. Writers are more elusive as more people can speak then write :P … But the underlying principle and statistics are same, 97% of those who can write, think themselves worthy of authoring a book.

Back to me….I am different, embarrassingly so. Unlike most wannabe writers who learn not only to express what they have in mind, but also to appreciate what others have written; I lack the later.

Seriously, there are only three books that I have read till so far viz. the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Prizes by Eric Segal and The Pelican Brief by John Grisham. These books came few and far between despite having a sister who was a voracious reader and had fiction books sprawling the house. I enjoyed these bestsellers to the degree that I can quote out of them but they failed to kindle reading as a habit.

In fact the list of books I started reading but never completed is much larger and intriguing. I failed to finish bestsellers, self help books, inspirational books, short story compilations and even books that teach the techniques to write. Bookstore is unfortunately is the only place where I will know not, what to buy.

I really hope one day I author a book at least that will make my count of read books to four.

Monday, May 02, 2011

No Kidding!!

I don’t think parenting is an instinct. It’s the biggest commitment and responsibility one can take upon themselves.

But the question is why will someone take nine months of having a life in the womb, then cleaning after their pooping & burping, followed by incessant running behind, relentless preaching & teaching and everlasting worrying & botheration.

Being a parent makes you worry about their health, then their company of friends, then their good education, then their job & success and then their relations & how you will fit in them.

I do not understand the urge to proliferate. Neither everyone have the kind of genes which if not taken to next generation will cause any serious loss to the world nor is everyone carved out to be a great parent. If the later was not true, we would have seen far less number of squealing and misbehaving children at restaurants, airports, parties and malls.

I also do not think that all “little human’s” are cute and adorable because of their size. Some of them are ill-mannered, ill-tempered and outright ugly. Why is it so difficult to call them as they are? After all they are not travel-size-toiletries for their mere small size will make them convenient and pretty…. then why the unspoken rule to go “aaaaawwwww” on facebook when your friends publish the pictures of their kids?

I strongly believe that if the nature has not posed the trap of ‘biological clock’ to haste women in imprudent decisions of parenthood, most would have attained the maturity to skip it completely.

Oh yes!! This is just a thought. There may be rewards of parenthood which I do not understand, after all sleep, control-of-ones-life and peace of mind are overrated. :)

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Intolerant to Morons!!

This is a phrase my friend and I coined when I came to US for my first assignment, five years back. We used to use it to qualify our frustration which grew in leaps and bounds, especially with respect to our work then. My friend quit soon after ….

Recently, this phase has been a lot on my mind so decided to share the rationale.

Oh no! this is in no way a show of pride or arrogance. In fact, I believe that people like me who want to be qualified for the job we do, want to take bottom line responsibility of task assigned, work round the clock to dazzle, try to stay honest to people who report to us as much as we do to the people we report to, continue learning, stay sincere, earn love-and-respect and find unreasonable, dishonest and political ambiance at work or otherwise …very stifling belong to the lowest strata of achievers.

Because these attributes definitely do not translate to big bucks or overnight success or effective balancing of relations; it’s more of a constraint, a constraint wired in us.

So morons are not really morons but smarter people who know the art of credit-grabbing, back stabbing , drama creating and who can live happily with their own misplaced self-image of excellence.

What is frustrating is that when every now and then despite the route we have chosen, we are cornered to participate in their sleazy game by their rules. And it hurts to loose our peace of mind without getting any of the benefits of being an unfair player.

The perfect scenarios will be able to learn just enough tact to coexist with them without eroding the way of life and work that we have chosen. Till then there are breathing exercises and the ‘use the abuse’ policy.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Love ….Really?

So we love chocolates, music, beaches, good looking celebrities, successful sportsmen & women, boyfriends/girlfriends, spouse, kids …. and most things under the sun….

Does an emotion like love really exist? Or is attraction, affection, level of comfort, acceptance, rebellion, need, adjustment, obstinacy, security, sensory pleasure, fear of loneliness, extreme fondness, dedication, devotion, social pressure ….or a combination of these emotions/perceptions is misrepresented as love.

We can argue that skipping of a heart beat when we see some one is attraction; long extended glimpse of someone from the corner of the eye is flirting; long talks through the night is sharing; remembering special moments and celebrating them is caring; struggle to be with some one we decided we want to be with, is rebellion; secret crush is a fantasy; relationships are a human need; continuing a not-so-successful relationship is the fear of moving out of the comfort zone; an abusive relationship is lack of self confidence; marriage is a commitment; Indian marriage, a social pressure; parenthood is responsibility and devotion; extra marital affair, a deceit; and dying for someone is plain and simple, stupidity

And love for all material things is just an expression to convey very strong liking

May be love is over-simplified-in-definition and over-exaggerated-in-depiction emotion which was created as inspiration for short fictional creations like stories, movies and lyrics; as an excuse for tacky decoration and gifts; as a cover for all defiance; as a romantic lie to embellish the not-so-pretty truth of mundane life

The complexities of human mind, nature, attitude and behavior through the turmoil of time, are just too mammoth to accept, cherish and live, a single all absorbing, all eclipsing and all important, ever lasting emotion …even if it was thought by Shakespeare :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

It is the eye ...

My education was good. But from the innumerable subjects I learnt, one of the most precious lessons was taught to me by my English and Math teachers at high school…

My English teacher really liked me. She had no qualms showing her affection and appreciation for me; she cited my qualities and enthusiasm towards spoken English to many of my class mates. Of course, this motivated me to do be better.

My math teacher on the other hand, for some reason did not like me. It was baffling for many reasons. One that it was not that she did not have her favorites; there was a long list just that I was not a part of it. Second reason was that I could not figure out why she will not approve of my qualities, which were so agreeable to my English teacher. I did, all my young mind could think of to impress my math teacher but she very evidently did not consider me as one of her preferred students.

I ended with exact same grades in both subjects but very different relationship with my teachers.

Perturbed by the dilemma I lived through; I decided since I also had a tendency to strongly like and dislike people I will never become a teacher least I put someone through the same predicament. What I did not realize at that time was that this behavior was very natural. In all spheres and at all stages of life we seek acceptance and approval of people who matter to us. These people form an opinion about us just like we form opinion about the people associated with our lives.

We all have friends and acquaintances we avoid; good team mates we enjoy working with and team mates we don’t respect; relatives we are proud to be associated with and relatives we can’t stand; managers we consider leaders and ones we feel as an irritant in the tasks assigned to us; young ones we bless from the bottom of our heart and the ones we do not care about. We assign people to these categories based on our evaluation. An evaluation we seldom revisit. Also an evaluation we can most of the time not rationalize.

We not only accept and reject people based on some obvious traits but at times on our whims and with eagerness.

Same is true for someone who has drawn a conclusion on us, whether in our favor or not. Ideally we should stop striving so hard to be liked since it’s not about what we are but the eye evaluating us.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

The Cringe Factor

Shopping in India is very satisfying. The range of type of goods is astounding. For example footwear, when you go to buy footwear you will find the comprehensive range from sleek to gross. We, Indians not only buy what we like but just for kicks, we look at something we will never buy and wince. To do so we do not need the classiest of taste. It is pretty simple; there is always something worse then our taste available there…. Like when women go to shop for sarees, they ask for “sober” colors and if an objective eye was to see that fabric they will redefine the word sober. The amazing range, just help them find something more eye-hurting, and brand their own choice as classy n elegant.

Cringe factor is required everywhere. I read online Indian newspaper everyday. Of course, I could not believe when it showed “Mandira Bedi is pregnant” as the third headline. Mandira Bedi is a nobody and since she is an Indian, being pregnant is really not a news. (LOL!!) I can and should switch to a better newspaper but then I will not get an opportunity to see some obvious stupidity and cringe.

It’s repeated almost as a chant, “we are not perfect” but nobody talk about how important it is to be less imperfect then others. For this we need to have enough things to cringe about in our lives…

Imagine you working with competent team members, married to Sean Connery and having the most rational, non-intrusive and classy relatives and friends; how on this earth will you ever gossip or make interesting conversation? How will you ever gloat about your own glory in a perfect world? How one dimensional it will be to just appreciate and marvel at excellence?

If we watch the most intellectually stimulating channels(no reality shows or sit-coms), listen to only original music (no pritam or anu malik), watch only movies reflecting creative genius(no bollywood) … you really think we will be creatively satisfied? No, lack of mix in quality will not only restrict us to a very small number of pleasures but also deprive us from feeling smart and cool.

How cool and fun it is to squirm, you will know if you read reviews of mainstream bollywood movies. The insults hurled are almost always more interesting then the movie itself.

Imperfections and blatantly looking down upon them, is definitely a feel good factor for us, we the imperfect humans.

Monday, February 28, 2011

The Road of "Roadies"

On my vacation in India I finally caught up with the Roadies 8 auditions …

Roadies is this MTV reality show for which surprisingly, I have pretty high regards. It has a lot of drama and to a very large extend it is unpredictable. The fun unfolds from the selection of the participants itself. The well-scripted-and-dramatized, insult-laced, interviewer-ego-booster, pretense-of-no-nonsense but actually overdose-of-nonsense questions, lately creeping moral-high-ground makes it a lot of fun.

The actual show is a little more tacky as tasks are far between the drama built by personal lives of the participants. They are often given fake personalities to increase TRP. But imagination still reigns supreme in this no-format reality show.

But the show is good till you do not think about the participants as people, young impressionable people whose life is yet to unfold in front of them. The music and dance reality shows are built on some inherent talent of the participants; Show like big boss and wipeout take participants with known-faces but roadies take non-known young participants standing on the verge of life.

A few after the participation make it as the hosts of the show itself, some make it to other reality shows but what about many others who expose themselves on camera. After the show milk them for TRP how they must be returning to normal lives after loosing the crucial career building years…. I cant forget the fat gujju guy from an old season who was carved out to be a total-loser, it was great to laugh at him on his presence in the show but what happens when he return back to his life...

I remember how I was a panicked twenty-year old. The only career I came to know of was that of a doctor, but despite my mighty efforts I could not get through Pre Medical Test required for admission in Medical colleges across India. So without a clear career-path I was petrified that college will end soon without me having a means to earn my livelihood.

I cannot, by any stretch of imagination, vision myself at that age having a few strands of colored hair and tattoos and attempting a Roadies Audition; perceiving this reality show to be an all-important, life-transforming event; standing in queues, doing fake group discussions and braving being disgraced on national television before and after the selection for something as temporary as a season of reality show which according to me is neither that cool nor that permanent to be this desirable…

Of coarse, they say now a generation gap is created every three years and by this definition I am really far away from today’s twenty-year-olds. Yet, with competition increasing in leaps and bounds, standing in queues for Roadies audition and not admissions in college or competitive exams is in-perceivable even when the show is this entertaining; may be its because the entertainment factor of the show is at the cost of its participants...

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tall Tales Contest: The First Version

I participated in another Contest at Toastmasters called the “Tall Tales”. Three to five minutes of creativity with the added spice of exaggeration and madness …



What you see and perceive is not true.

I am a comfortably-floating, healthy-yet-feeding-through-a-tube, fast-growing-by-doing-nothing FOETUS

Before sending me in this perfectly temperature controlled pool, GOD told me this will be the good part of my life. But the coming times will be more challenging and one of the flip side will be that I will forget the time spent with him. Whatever, he at least kept his promise and did not sent me to India or China…. Most of us go there now a days...

I hear things and understand very well despite my size and still forming organs.

I am closest to my mother… literally. She tries to love me but can’t, I don’t let her. Every time she gets all mushy on me, I make her puke, churn her stomach or make her dash to the restroom. I take my this nasty sense of humor after her…. She loves telling all her boyfriends that they are responsible for me. Oh guys!! You must hear those guys freaking out…

I am sure she does it for kicks, because she has already made up her mind to raise me by herself. This is actually, one of the main reasons of the fights between her and my grandparents. My grandparents are funny, they disapprove of what my mother says, do, how she lives and me. Yet they support her unconditionally. My grandmother even plans to come to help my mom when I decide to arrive, she better do that I plan to be quite a handful.

When my mother is not creating this drama, she watches drama. I cant see but I am very interested in what she watches. I hope her taste in movies does not change and I get to watch some of it….

She is treated very well because of me. At work, she is allowed upteen leaves; probably because they know that even if she is at work she either eats or goes for a trip to the restroom. Food reminds me… I can do with a salmon sandwich now… oh yes!! Because she owes her comfort at work because of me, I decide what she eats and in what quantities.

Some days, in the evening she goes to the children play area to kindle her maternal instincts. I don’t think it is working. She is petrified of the crying, screaming and blabbering kids. In fact that is the only time I heard her say that she prefers me being inside her rather then outside.

These play area teach me a lot too. When I hear those mothers yell at their kids I know what is in store for me. Good thing is that I can revenge the future yelling with my present kicks.

I know I will be out soon and things will be difficult. The old man before sending me here told he will take care of me. I hope I can remember this …

Ok guys!! Need to go. is the salmon sandwich there yet?? …